Sneak King: "Amusing" doesn't mean "Entertaining"

Apparently I take commissions for game reviews. The other day, my friend Derek of “From Out of the Dream” handed me Sneak King and told me that I should review it. He also said that I would find it “amusing.” I had my reservations about writing a review about a game that was made by a fast-food company, but the man was willing to loan me something from his collection. I'm not gonna say no.

Sneak King is not a good game. You probably knew that already and so would I have, but I mistook the word “amusing” for the word “entertaining.” The game is amusing, but it isn't much fun to play. I really should have known that a company that fails at making decent hamburgers couldn't pull together a full game.

As I said, that game is, indeed amusing. When the player successfully sneaks up on a hungry person (not a difficult task since as their sight range is roughly equivalent to a bat's with blinders on) the King does a little dance and gives them a burger or coffee or fries or a handjob (if only). It is amusing because the King isn't actually holding anything at first. He does his little dance, then reaches behind himself and pulls out a plate with food on it. One can only assume that he pulled it directly from his cavernous rectum.

That being said don't bother playing Sneak King unless you happen to be younger than twelve (and if that's the case, you shouldn't be reading this blog, I use filthy words) I only played about fifteen minutes of it before I decided that that was plenty of my life wasted on it. I doubt very much that there is any real story (and if there were, it would likely be trite and shoehorned in). The gameplay is simplistic and extremely easy, even when you want to make a good grade on a mission, all that really needs to be done is hide somewhere instead of just sneaking up on someone. This means that it isn't difficult, it just requires patience. Unfortunately, my society has taught me that waiting for anything is akin to torture (which is why we have fast-food restaurants like Burger King, the irony kills me) so I'm not very good with patience, especially when I'm doing something that is supposed to be fun.

To be fair, this is a game designed for children, and it shows. Sneak King can't be expected to stand up to the same standards of expectation as The Force Unleashed or Gears of War. It is a game made for children by a burger joint. For all I know about kids, this could be an extremely entertaining title. For the rest of us, we'll just have to settle with amusing which probably isn't even worth the two dollars one can get this game for.